Wednesday is a big day

Tomorrow is Wednesday and with it comes some big news.

I called up the birth mother on Sunday, and asked her to let me know if she had made a decision regarding the babies.
It seems this weekend was the weekend one of her sisters was getting married, so just about anyone who had an opinion and wanted to voice it to her would be doing it this weekend.

In a nutshell, she was going to take the weekend and the next two days to figure out what it is she wants to do.

I may sound harsh or calloused, but why in the world would someone who thinks they don't want to parent ONE infant decide to change their mind, simply because there are twins now. 2 babies are certainly not easier than one...especially 2 babies at the same time. Of course twins are usually smaller, so that makes them even more difficult to care for.

I know there is no logic to it, and it does not help to even try to figure out what is going on in her mind, but WHY would twins suddenly make someone think it would be a good idea to keep them.


Okay, I have officially vented and am done now.


Anyhow, she told me to call her around 230 on Wednesday. So it is now about 9 pm on Tuesday. I just want to know what she wants to do....Even so, she could"decide" to give the babies up now, and just as easily change her mind 1 week or 2 months from now, or right after they are born, right?

I think Jeff has pretty much washed his hands of it....I guess this is the downside to knowing the birth mother and having an "open" adoption... when it is an anonymous or closed adoption, you don't really have so much worry that they are going to show up at your doorstep and suddenly ask for the baby back.

Whatever she says tomorrow will help me decide what to do....either way, it is not just up to me. I have a hubby and kids who stand to be hurt in this situation if it were to go foul. I remain hopeful, but am unwilling to take any chances when it comes to this family.

let's face it....she is going to do whatever she wants to do with these kids and nothing I can say will change her mind.

there are always other options....of course there are so many kids out there waiting for a family. Seems a shame to see 2 little babies have to go through what I already know her first child (who no longer lives with her) has gone through.

Tomorrow is a big day. And it very well may be the end of this 'pregnancy' Jeff and I have been going through together. already I feel such a loss.
I could say it is easy to walk away now, and not have the pain of knowing these kids personally but it would not be true.

Christ, how in the heck am I going to sleep at night if all I can do is wonder if they are crying all night long, waiting for someone to pick them up.

Unfortunately, I KNOW this is how she raised the first baby, so now I have the picture in my mind of 2 little 5 or 6 pound babies screaming for hours. I wish I had not pictured it, but I have, and now I don't know where to put that picture.

I can't even watch the news, and that is about people I don't even know. I can actulally say it HURTS to watch the news when all they are showing is people suffering and hurting one another.

I know there is nothing I can do, and I know it is not my responsibility. That just doesn't make it any less painful to think of them being anywhere but in a safe, loving home.
I have to remember that wahteveris going to be is going to be. I am going to bed, and hopefully, this worrying is going to be put to rest as well.