HOLY SHIT!

Sorry for the vulgarity, folks, but holy cow, have I got some BIG NEWS.

Are you sitting down?

okay, good.

Here it comes.....

WE ARE HAVING TWINS!!!!

you read it right, twins!

A baby girl and a baby BOY (finally!)
I am so unbelievably happy right now, that I am with out a good description of how happy I am! ME, SPEECHLESS? YEP!

So, I think most everybody knows we were originally looking to adopt a toddler, and were in the process of having a home study done at the beginning of the year. Well the next part of the story is that I ran into a gal I used to work with, and she was pregnant, and not wanting to keep the baby. She was willing to give the baby to us, and we were more than grateful to receive the baby.

Well, that was in March, and we knew the baby was due end of October/November.
The mother was not too keen on going to the doctor, and had been putting it off for a LONG time..I was actually beginning to worry a bit, because she was 4, 5, 6 months pregnant without any prenatal care. But, who's to judge, this baby was coming, healthy, or not, with or without the doctor check-ups.

The mom had been complain that this pregnancy was "Different" than the last, and she was way more uncomfortable and tired, etc.

All I could do was offer to hook her up with the needed connections for insurance and the midwife I had used previously....I urged her to go, and hoped for the best.


That was about one month ago....

SO, I stopped in to see her at her job today and asked how things were.

she says that she went to the doctor.

I was on pins and needles to hear ANY news at this point. I asked if ever thing was okay,and if the baby was healthy, if she was okay, etc.

She says:

"Oh, I'm fine, but THIS one AND THIS ONE are a real pain!"

I was hooting and howling, jumping up and down, and then I realized she might be just kidding me. I asked if she had a definite due date,and then she said:

"End of October....wanna see the ultrasound pictures?"

And there they were, two little cuties, nestled up together.
Picture one: "baby girl"
Picture two: "baby boy"

Can you believe it?
I only found out a few hours ago, and I feel like I am finding out I am pregnant for the first time all over again....I tried to call Jeffy, but there was no answer at home....AAAAAGGGGHHHHH!
I had to sit on the news for the next few hours all by myself!

SO now I guess the real preparations need to begin....we gave away all of Mallory's baby stroller/car seat combo thingies and a whole lot of other "new baby" things because we thought we were done with "little" babies.

Holy crap, I got get this place together so Jeff and run the ship while I am at work!

I don't even have the cribs yet? AAAAGGGGHHHH!! Holy cow!

The minivan only hold 7, and we are going to be a family of SEVEN in just 2+ months.

Abby better learn how to change a diaper really, really soon, because Jeff and I are going to have our hands VERY, VERY full, very, very, soon.

Anybody got any "twin" advice for us?

Got any cribs/swings/car seats you have been meaning to get rid of in a garage sale, and have been putting it off?

Send 'em our way, we can use ALL the help we can get!!!

I guess this means I am also gonna have to go shopping for that REALLY little baby stuff, too, like "preemie" size, because they will probably be a lot smaller.
We are also taking name suggestions.

holy shit.

With that said, I leave you....I better get a full night's sleep while I can.

HOOORAY FOR MORE MESSER-BABIES!!!!!

"WAG MORE, BARK LESS."

I saw this bumper sticker the other day. What a great slogan.

My husband and I have a theory that I must be part dog, or have been a dog is a former life.

My bark can be pretty snarling and vicious, but it doesn't really mean I'm a bad dog

I have an incredible sense of smell. Not always the best thing when there is a dirty diaper in the house.

I like to ride with my head out the window.

I love to have my head scratched. Seriously.

I get excited when people come home, and have been known to look out the window, just waiting for them to return.

I have been known to whine a lot when my food dish is empty. I also like to drink a lot of water.

I get very annoyed when my nose is too dry. I Neti pot rather regularly to keep a moist nose. Sounds weird, but it is very true.

I like my bed to be full of lots of pillow and have to rearrange them until I am comfy. My chihuahua has the same problem.

sometimes I wag my "tail" when I am excited.

I am always ready for a long walk followed by a even longer nap.

I am very loyal, and can keep loving people, even if they have been rotten to me.

yes, it's true, I am part dog.

Wanna go for a walk?

love what you do!

Sounds kinda corny to some people, but that is the slogan an SBUX, and I really think it is a great one.
It is so nice to get up in the morning (sometimes 330 in the morning!) and actually look forward to going to work...imagine that.

I get to go play with coffee all day long and watch people's faces and eyes light up over and over again. Seems hard to believe that doing something as simple as knowing what someone drinks (Iced Decaf venti americano, extra cream) can rally make someone genuinely happy.

I just came home from work and I had another great day.I was at work from 430 this morning, and it is already 6pm and it feels like I was only there 4 or 5 hours.

Don't get me wrong, I definitely cherish the days off. All the other I jobs I had would take advantage of a person who will always show up and do their job well.

Not Starbucks...they only schedule you 5 days a week and NEVER EVER ask you to work overtime. A rested Barista is a happy Barista!

Another great thing about my job is all the great benefits and how there is always something new to learn. It really is an art, and if you take it seriously, a regular old Latte' can be quite delicious and magnificent if made with a little bit of love.

I like my co-workers, even if half of them are neurotic, and actually look forward to seeing them, even the complainers, if you can believe that!

Did I mention all the free drinks you care to have while you are working?
Yummy!
Anyhow, it is just nice to know that I can work in a place that really does it's best to provide a great place to work.

'nuf said!

Update: reconciliation with the Dad

Well, I did it, I took a step I was so sure I would never EVER take...I called my Dad. I got his voicemail, which, strangely, was a very bittersweet moment. It may sound a little weird, but His voicemail still has the same recording I put on his phone over 15 years ago.

How Bizarre to hear myself talking, when I expected him to answer. I gotta admit, it was a moment. I had some old tinges of "what am I doing?" and "am I REALLY ready for this? Is this the right thing to do"

I decided to quiet my mind and be as direct and concise as possible....anyone who know me, knows that I am not known for my "short" conversations. If anything, I am a prattler, a storytelling type of person, stream-of-consciousness, if you will, but out loud.

So here is a transcript, in a condensed version:

Me- "Is this the old man?'

him- "why jess, is this Chana?" (imagine somewhat whick Mexican accent)

me- "how are you, did you get my note?"

him- "yes, yes, I did, it was very nice. I'm getting old over here! Before ju know it, they will be puching me around in de wheelchair! How are you?"

Me- " everyone here is healthy and well....so, would you like to get together sometime?'

him- "oh, yes, most certainly, would you and your family like to have some brunch on a Sunday...we could meet somewhere, if that makes you feel alright?"

me- "that would be nice...."

The rest of the conversation was actually quite nice. I could tell he was trying to contain his happiness that I had called. I could also tell he was just trying to get the conversation completed without crying.

In a word, if felt nice to hear his old banter and to know that he had absolutely NOTHING BAD to say..I would imagine that he knows he is sort of on a "probationary" trial with me. he did not want to know where the house was, or what my home number was. It was as good as I could have wanted, actually.

I think we will take him up on the invitation, but I am not quite sure how soon.

That phone conversation took place almost 2 weeks ago, and he has not called me back since then. I think he knows that this is a sort of "don't call me, I'll call you " sort of arrangement.


For almost 20 years I had the most horrible dreams about my father. I would wake up in the middle of the night, gasping for air, choking on my own fears, sometimes screaming for help. Some nights I would be unable to fall back asleep, for fear the dream would pick up where it left off. All the dreams would be worse than anything I had ever imagined, but they persisted, no matter how long my husband could tell me it was not real, that he was there with me, and that all was safe and well.

Since the "telling him off" situation from last year, the dreams have slowly morphed...my dad would take on a minor role in a dream, or he would just be riding in the car with me somewhere, for absolutely no reason. Now he hardly ever shows up in my dreams,and they certainly have not been nightmares for quite some time.

It's nice to know that even the deepest wounds are capable of healing themselves with just a good amount of patience and careful introspection.

Five more months until the next TRI!

December will be here before we know it. As I drove past soccer fields tonight on the way home from the Y, I thought? Geez, winter will be here and outdoor sports will only consist of lameness such as the neadertal sport of choice...football.

The whole Tri thing is definitely becoming more and more addictive with each passing day. When I go for a run, for a small moment I think: "can I REALLY do this?"

Yes.

When I am in the pool, I visualize swimming in the open waters, which could be cloudy and choppy. Is the open water more difficult to maneuver? I think not.

To be honest, the least favorite leg right now is the bike....I used to travel long distances as a teenager on my bike, but as time has passed and weight has found it's way to the midsection, the idea of pedalling along and having my boobs move up and down is just a little annoying.


No matter, I will do it anyway and enjoy every strangely comic moment of it.

Yesterday was swimming and run. Today was swim, then weight training. I even tried to practice changing into my clothes quickly....it sort makes the idea of the "transition" in the Tri seem all that much more real.

Visualizing was very helpful in quieting an otherwise pretty noisy mind today.

also, the whole Spanish-only thing in the house has been lots of fun.

I think Jeffy likes it because he is somehow pretending my name is "Lupita", his dirty little Hispanic maid.

There has been a lot of "Si senorita" going on around here!

Blah, Blah blah, yada, yada, blah

In the ongoing and everyday renewed quest to try and un-do and do less everyday, I have decided that I should just speak less when I feel the need to speak more.

Today when I got to work I was really very annoyed at my 2 co-workers because they were late AGAIN. I get to work at 420 A.M. That's right, a.m.

The store opens at 5 a.m so there is only about 25 minutes to make everything you need to start serving those folk who get up riiiiiily early in the morning.

When there is only 25 minutes, if someone is late, we cannot go into the store until they get there, so if they are 5 or 10 minutes late, guess who gets to bust their ass making coffee and tea and ice and everything else...moi.

If it were only once in a while, I wouldn't mind, but when it is the same 2 people, every single time, it gets old real fast.

So instead of stomping around, or being sarcastic, or commenting at all, I decided to follow that old-school style mom advise.

if ya can't say anything nice, don't say anything at all.

I just wanted to simmer my Latina-hot-blood-thirst temper. Well, it worked great. I felt just great and it wet a good tone for the day. Of course my fellow starbuckians were a little weirded out that I was not in my usually great 430 in the morning mood.

Anyhow, I worked so well, that later today, after having a flurry of thoughts and stupid self-doubting moments I turned to Jeff and said:

"that's it. I'm going silent for the next three days until this blows over"

Of course, he was ready to call my bluff and said: "Why don't you make it 5 days?"

We have tried this before for and hour or 4 or 5, of for an entire evening....seems easy enough, but try it with 3 kids and it seems a little more complicated at second glance.

Anyhow, I thought, why not? I was thinking a good way to communicate the necessary was to speak in Spanish, or to switch to Spanish-only for the kids because they are far from being fluent yet.

No sooner had I thought it, than Jeff says : "solo Spanish?

Abby and I laced up our shoes and I got ready for another run with her. she only needs her shoes. I , unfortunately, have to put on a large arsenal of bras to keep my "girls" form smacking me in the face. Seriously, who wants to show up for work with a pair of black eyes?

(co-worker): "oh, my, chana has black eyes, is her hubby beating her?

(me): "uh, no, sorry, I just went for a 2 mile jog...forgot to put on 3 sports bras...oops"

All joking aside, we had a great run...this time she had a hard time keeping up with me...I guess I must be getting a little faster? I only answered in yes/no, or in Spanish.....man, can that kid talk a lot! I know where she gets it...Jeff and I are definitely not the silent types, but we are trying to change that a little bit.

So here we go on another silly messerman-style experiment with our kids in tow.

Saying less is always a pretty good policy. President Bush should try it more often.

Check out this cool clip of blah blah blah...it says it all, except Jeff did not draw me wearing my strawberry bucket-hat.

If you call the house and someone answers in Spanish, don't worry, you got the right number.

not too flubby to get some lovey

I just came back form the YMCA in our area. I am working on improving my swimming so that I can someday keep up with my friend Mel. (she is super fast in the pool).

So I am doing this Triathlon thing to the best of my knowledge. basically, my "knowledge" consists of this: I have to be able to swim 400, ride 15 and run 3 one after another all in one day.

By the way, I have no prior skill or training in the area other than that I am bullheaded enough to think that I can do it. I figure that I know that I can run three miles, I know that I can ride 15 miles, and I certainly can do 8 to 10 laps at the pool, so who says I can't do it all together? I am stubborn enough to think that it would be somewhat like giving birth...it takes a long time and you get really tired and thirsty, and somethings are going to be sore afterward.

sounds simple enough.

SO I have been trying to work up my lung capacity and stroke, speed and endurance in the pool by warming up all my muscles in the hot tub for 10 minutes and then plunging into the pool lap lanes and alternating between swimming front stroke and then flipping over and doing backstroke to catch breath, work my muscles differently.

Mind you, I have absolutely no idea what I am doing.

Plus, I am afraid to swim with my face in the water, so I know it slows me down a lot.

Seriously, I have no idea what I am doing. I guess I figured I look ridiculous, but it is not a beauty pageant, and that is not why i am doing it. I just want to figure out how to make the water move past me better/more efficiently, so I have sought some help from an instructor....I am going to sign up for some private lessons.
what I should really do, is have MEL over, because she is like the gazelle version of a person in water...super sleek and cool...she was on a swim team, I think, and seems to know what the heck she is doing. she can even do those cool flip over and turn around things when you want to go the other way ( yep, I even don't know what that is called.)

So, I have to get to "the love."

I have long been ashamed of myself and what I look like. Pretty much from when I was a young girl I understood that you had to be thin and pretty to be liked and loved. Of course that is total nonsense, but this is not a realization that comes so easily. I have been know to refer to my mid section as being "flubby"

You listen to people tell you baloney for long enough when you're a kid, and you begin to accept it as truth.
Never mind that these people are complete idiots.

So I think that I have walked through life thinking I cannot wear tank tops, shorts, swimsuits, etc (anything else that most women dread)
Thing is, when you are hot, a long shirt and pants sucks. It is a lot easier to move and work in clothes that were meant for what you are doing. I have come to terms with the fact that if I want to keep doing Tri's I am going to have to ear a wetsuit at some point.

guess what? I'm ready now!
What changed, is that I think with trying to let go of all the old baggage from have 2 total dips for parents, and realizing that not all men are evil and out to get you.
I mean, I was nearly raped by a boyfriend (and survived to kick him in the balls), molested by 2 family members, and I 'm still standing. if people who I knew and trusted tried to hurt me and did not succeed, I DOUBT that a complete stranger can even come close to hurting me.

I mean, come on, I have wrestled my way free from more than one attacker, and that was when I was much, much younger, and not even close to as strong as now.

I think somehow, in the very recent past, I realized that I cannot be made the victim unless I exude fear and timidness.

So, today Iwalked into the hot tub full of 40/50 something men and sat right down next to them.

In the past, I would avoid going in, or wait until it seemed less threatening to me. That age group of men is tied to some very raw/scary memories. I seem to be hard wired to look down, look away, or just zoom past a group of guys this age.

something must have changed because I guess it doesn't matter if they are thinking I'm

fat.

ugly.

stupid

weak

don't belong

I don't know what they are thinking, and for that matter, I don't really give a flying you--know-what.

I think of all the freedom this attitude brings with it and I hold my head high and look them right in the eye if they look my way. those days of being scared and timid are over.

Guess what? it WORKS!

I was talking about the weather and other such niceties. I left the hot tub and hit the pool. I swam long and hard, telling myself I have just as much a right to be in the lap lanes and those sleek, cool, seal-like creatures who are fit and trim.

I really enjoyed the swim and was amazed that swimming 440 was just as easy as 300 or 200 from the week before.

I decided to hit the hot tub one last time to run the jets over my sore feet from work.

As I was about to sit down, a 30-something guy said:

"hey, was that you swimming all those laps back and forth?"

(me) "yep"

(him) "wow. That was really cool to watch. Dang!"

(me) "thanks"

He decided to show a little lub to the gal who is a little flub.

Life is sweet in all it's magnificence.

'nuf said.